Handling it

Jessica, Alex's Mom, wrote a blog post today that I can totally relate to. Jessica explains her feelings and reactions when someone says "God never gives you more than you can handle" or "God chose you because he knew that you would do a good job".

I completely understand Jessica's feeling and often cringe on the inside when people say things like that to me. I never really understand what they are saying. Often I think they say those things because they don't know what to say. Or maybe they say those things because they are so thankful that they don't have a special child because they don't think that they would be able to handle it. Like Jessica said, I can't handle it either!! I can't handle the surgeries, I can't handle the therapies, I can't handle the doctor appointments, I can't handle the tubes, I can't handle the vomit, I can't handle the delays, I can't handle the IFSP meetings, I can't handle it. I just DO it, I just put one foot in front of the other and go. I can't sit around and dwell on things because I would loose my mind. This is my life and I have chosen to live it, not just be in it.

I don't believe that Josh and I are "the chosen ones" or that we have halos shining bright above our heads or that we have a choir of angels singing our praises, we are on this journey because we have to be, not because we chose to be. Don't get me wrong, I would not trade Will for any other child on this earth but as we all know, we never choose to have a special needs child. We are parenting Will as we have parented Caroline, we are teaching them to be independent, confident, respectful contributors to our society. Will's contributions will be different than Caroline's but he will contribute, not because God thought we would do a good job but because that is how we parent.

God has given me many things that I couldn't handle. If you were walking in my shoes, you would be doing the same as me, you would get through it, you would have to. He is my child, my life, my heart, my soul, my everything, he is MINE.

If you want to encourage me on my journey and are not sure what to say, just give me a hug. :-)