Service Meeting

Today, I sat down to watch American Idiol that I had recorded last night. I had my first photography class so I was not home to watch it (more on that later). I was watching the show, which I was not too impressed with anyone, and while David Cook was singing I started crying. Now, don't get me wrong, I really like David Cook, but his performance was not one to cry over. I was trying to get ahold of myself and I kept asking myself, "what in the heck is wrong with you??" Then I realized that I was crying because we had the service meeting for William's therapies today. The service meeting is something that we have every six months to go over William's IFSP and make any changes that need to be made.

I have mentioned this before about the evaluations and how much I really dislike them. They remind me about how "delayed" William is (because they so nicely lay it all out for you). The only real change that was made to the IFSP was that we are going to add physical therapy every week (it was only twice a month before). They want to get him walking (and I want to get him walking). The area that Will is really lacking in is Language skills. He is functioning at a 9 month old level. Will is able to say some "words" but not all of the time. He can say "cow", "all done", "go" and of course, "dada". He can also sign "more". But he really doesn't say any of those words when prompted, he just says them, hmmm, when he feels the urge.

I knew what the reports were going to say, I know that he is delayed, I know that his language skills are not that of his peers, I know that he is 20 months old and not walking and I know that he does eat well. So why am I so upset????

My guess...I just go through my day without thinking about it all. I just do what it is that I have to do. This is what I have to do to keep my sanity. I do the therapies, I do the feedings, I do the doctor appointments but most importantly I just "be" with my kids. Will is just Will to me, he is not a syndrome, he is not a delay. RTS does not define who William is, William is NOT RTS. So when it is all spelled out right in front of me, I remember, I think about it, I get sad.

So I sit here in tears, thinking about the "what ifs" and the "could have beens" and the "should have beens". But hey, I am getting better. This only happens every six months now and not every day like it was in the beginning. But for me, Holland sucks today.